#the “i want to die but i'm told to live; i want to live but i'm told to die” describes the argument between bosch and nowak when confronting

[maxdibert]

I know this might be more aggressive than I usually do, but I'm honestly tired. I can't help but believe that the marauders fandom lives in a completely different reality than mine.

They love to force how good James Potter was, but this same James exposed Severus' intimacy. “He had no intention”, if a person takes the life of another without intention, does that change that a person died? It doesn't change. But they love to say that because there is no intention, there is no guilt, when that's not how it works. Besides all the repetition of how Severus was an incel and James was the one who sincerely loved Lily. The epitome of agape, they say, when in reality, he was just a spoiled little rich boy who can't hear "no" from a girl and get on with his life and instead he... *checks notes* threatened and blackmailed their supposed “love” in addition to chasing his best friend with his gang of idiots and, at the same time, leading the other to hell, even though said boy heard the girl’s “no” and disappeared from her life as she asked.

They act as if Severus being a spy was no big deal and it was his obligation to do something to defeat Voldemort, when it wasn't, he had already done enough by going out of their way to give a warning about the Potters' safety. Aside from the stilted speech that "he did it for the girl", when, amazingly, said girl, at this point, is already dead, he would have gained nothing by doing what he did for the wizarding world. It seems like a competition about who objectifies Lily the most in Severus' life, when Severus: never said anything negative about her, never assumed anything about her sex life or even said that she deserved to die for not choosing him, on the contrary , he blamed himself and wished for his own death. "But, look, he bullied the son of the woman he said he loved, that's definitely obsession," his character flaws in relation to Harry were never about Lily but about old memories of his bully. His problem was always unique and exclusive to James Potter. Every time he insults Harry it's always "you're like your father", but never once did he say anything even remotely negative about Lily or blame her for cutting off her friendship with him. But still, the fandom loves to spew nonsense about how he "wanted to get into the girl's pants and got angry when he couldn't."

I vented, sorry.

That’s why I genuinely think most Snaters are just kids—they see everything in black and white and don’t understand that life doesn’t work that way. Severus didn’t owe anyone anything. The fact that he felt bad about Lily wasn’t an obligation; he could have not cared and it still would’ve been fine. Lily cut ties with him. Lily married his bully. It would’ve been completely justified for him to see her as a piece of trash after she ended up with James. Honestly, I would’ve seen her as trash. If a former friend of mine pulled something like that—ending up with someone who had physically and psychologically tormented me for years, knowing full well what I went through—they’d be lucky if I didn’t burn their house down for being such a piece of work.

But Severus's relationship with Lily carried an enormous emotional weight because she had been his attachment figure for many years. So it makes sense that he ended up feeling so guilty, especially since he was the one who told Voldemort the prophecy. But again, even the prophecy wasn’t something he shared with malicious intent. Severus was doing his job as an agent in a war (even if he was on the "wrong" side), and it just so happened that his work unintentionally affected someone he cared about. Of course, he felt guilty afterward—it’s completely understandable. Anyone in his position, with his life experiences, would.

If I were in his place, though? I would’ve ignored Lily completely. Let her and her bully of a husband die, honestly, LOL.

One thing I find fascinating about Severus is how much things actually matter to him. He cares about repaying his debt to society. He cares about redeeming himself for what happened to Lily. He cares about doing the right thing to atone for his mistakes. And he doesn’t have to care, because all the people he sacrifices himself for are people who treated him like garbage at some point.

He didn’t have to be loyal to Dumbledore, especially after Dumbledore forced him to stay silent when he was almost killed as a teenager, made him keep that secret, and left him out in the cold. He didn’t have to be loyal to Lily either. No matter how their friendship ended, I think it’s indefensible (and I’m sure others would agree) for her to get involved with a spoiled rich kid whose whole reputation was built on tormenting others. He didn’t have to risk his life for the Order when most of its members openly despised him his entire life.

He didn’t have to do any of it. And honestly? It would’ve been justifiable for him not to, given his context and his past. But he did. He did all of it because he wanted to be a better person.

Sure, his personality doesn’t always reflect that, but let’s be real—that’s the personality of someone who never stops suffering. His reactions aren’t strange—they’re the normal reactions of someone with unresolved trauma who’s reached adulthood without the chance to fully develop emotional or social maturity because of that same trauma.

And of course, he didn’t need to beg for James’s life. If I were Severus, I wouldn’t have asked Voldemort to spare James. I’d have asked him to inflict the worst possible torture on James before finishing him off. But then again, I’m Spanish, and we Mediterraneans have hot tempers and always choose violence, LOL.

But seriously, I’m so fed up with the endless whining about why Severus did this or that. It doesn’t matter why. The fact is, he did it. The important thing is that his actions contributed to a cause, and thanks to him, the world was saved. Everything else is irrelevant because, let’s be honest, many of us would’ve walked away from saving a society that judged, mistreated, and condemned us without a second thought.

[blackorchidcoven]

Pick A Card

Your Demons

Pile 1 Spider Nightmare

Song: Venus By Shocking Blue 

“ Goddess on the mountain top

Burning like a silver flame

The summit of beauty and love

And Venus was her name

She's got it

Yeah, baby, she's got it

I'm your Venus, I'm your fire

At your desire

Well, I'm your Venus, I'm your fire

At your desire”

This energy is so intense. You’re definitely an intense person. This pile is very personal, I don't expect it to resonate for a lot of people because it’s so particular. I get the energy of someone who talks a lot, who rambles on and on. There’s also this tension… You really love attention. I hate to break it to you but someone has cursed you. I don’t know everything but it’s happened and I have to tell you. That’s why you’re being drawn to this post and to the occult world in general. Deep down inside, you know who it is that’s done it. That bitch! It’s because you have characteristics that they envy and they cannot forgive you for this. It’s so twisted. This may be weird but this pile reminds me of a family member of mine, someone I love dearly and would literally die for. I love this pile. Your life has been hard and it’s not your fault. It always has been since the very start but you never let that stop you cause your loved ones never stopped loving you. You have a strong bond with your loved ones. This is important. Never let them go. This person who has cursed you is unfortunately wedged deep into your family. Maybe they married in, maybe they work for or with your family in some fashion. No matter what, they are lurking. 

The image for this pile, the “card” is freaky. It depicts a little girl freaking out as a giant spider with a creepy cat head runs wild. I actually see this spider cat as a protector but the little girl is too young to realize. She is just scared. The cat is guarding her, and who knows… whatever the cat is hissing at could be even scarier than itself! 

Cats are independent, intuitive spirits. 

So, you who picked this card is the little girl. The cat is your guardian in some form. It comes across strongly. Whether you have one as a pet/familiar/spirit guide, or someone named Cat/Kat/Catherine or someone in mind with other feline attributes 

(wear animal prints, have whiskers/facial hair, wear cat eyeliner, have long nails/claws, are feisty 😈  & playful) 

Sounds crazy, but cats are! 🐱 

In this circumstance with my family member in mind, I’m the cat. 

The cat feels creepy sometimes but all you see is cute, so it’s hard to spot them. It’s sad but it’s easier to spot who cursed you rather than who is protecting you. You have just begun to think of life in a spiritual way. You are so excited but this person is ruining it for you, this gives it away. They try to scare you. They live a lie. They aren’t like you and you know it. You do not share the same values. You should get away from them. Cut them off. 

This person has become a detriment to you. They are flesh and blood but spiritually they are demonic. I’m sorry but they are. They’re corrupt. They’re into satanic culture and dark society. They want to watch the world burn. They’re made of something you are not. This person just hangs on. They’ve almost been told goodbye many times but it’s never truly manifested. It will but I know it will take a little while but be quicker than you think. I’m thinking around spring you’ll swear you see change even though you feel like you’re imagining it but by the end of summer everything will be taken care of. You’ll see. 

Energies: 

Cancer ♋️ 

Hallucinations 

Mass Hysteria 

Childhood Trauma 

Nightmares 

Femininity

Girlhood 

Goosebumps Books 

Love ❤️ 

Vintage 

Tradition 

Stereotypes 

Comic Books 

Action 

Art 

Curses 

Woman 

Witch 

Beef 

Jealousy 

Venus 

The Past 

Scorpio ♏️ 

Cherished

Spring 

Divine Intervention 

Pile 2 Swamp Queen 

Song: Beautiful By Christina Aguilera

“Don't look at me

Every day is so wonderful

Then suddenly it's hard to breathe

Now and then I get insecure

From all the pain

I'm so ashamed

I am beautiful no matter what they say

Words can't bring me down

I am beautiful in every single way

Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no

So don't you bring me down today”

Okay, you’re your own worst enemy. 

This would be my pile 😂 

Okay. We get it, you also have a lot to say like Pile 1. 

You have a constant internal monologue going on, you’re the star of your own movie. I sense The Star Card for this pile. You are dreamy, spiritual and weird. You’re obviously magical. There’s something strange about you. You are seriously different. You’re not what’s considered normal. You worry so much about whether you come across as normal or not but you don’t have to worry any longer cause I’m going to clarify it for you, you fucking don’t. You are weird. You do not conform to society’s expectations but not because you don’t want to, you just weren’t born to. Most who pick this pile wear makeup, false eyelashes, wigs, dye their hair, have acrylic nails…This is not to hide who you are but actually to accentuate it. You use vibrant colors and exaggerate your natural features so gorgeously! You go! You're not afraid to show your true face though. You’re seriously into skin care/self care/self love and it shows. You glow. Everyone acts weird around you. You’d be surprised why… it’s because you’re beautiful 😍 

I do not sense any denial or skepticism from this pile 

😆 

Everyone already knows … 

It’s almost awkward 😐 

You do not value appearances whatsoever and this is your true beauty. I sense a lot of empaths in this pile that are just now discovering that they’re empaths maybe even because of this reading! 

You’re earthy. 

I sense a lot of dark skinned queens here. 

You’re a reader. You read books for sure but you read people too. You mind your own business and that’s beautiful too. Maybe you mind your business too much, people want more from you. They want to see you more, talk to you more, hear you laugh more and see you smile… You have many admirers. I mean tons. You had humble beginnings and that’s shaped you into who you are today. You are so mature, too mature. Some want you to relax more and have fun. Some are critical of you and want you to “act your age” they want to dumb you down to their level. They want to party with you, get you drunk and dance 🪩 

This is not anything like you. 

Ignore these kinds of individuals because they want to change you. This isn’t who you are, if it was then so be it. You’d rather curl up on your couch with a book and a cup of tea 🍵 so do that! 

This all sounds so good, then how are you your own problem?

 You’re stumped. 

You’re stagnant. 

A running theme in your life is waiting cause God is teaching you the virtue of patience my friend. 

Ground yourself. 

Notice everything. 

Get comfortable but remember to work hard now so you can relax later. 

Stop procrastinating. 

Do your best. 

You’re idolized behind closed doors. You light up this world. 

No one would know an angel like you could have been through hell but that’s the truth. The dark side of this reading is everything you’ve overcome. 

The color of this reading is bright green. Slime green like the swamp monster in the image. I see severe chronic incurable illness, sicknesses, nausea, actual vomit. There’s this disgusting and grossed out feeling I get. I get that you feel like a monster maybe cause you don’t “fit in” like I said. You cry about being a misfit. 

You put on a happy face. You hate showing people your vulnerabilities but you do so gracefully. You feel nervous a lot, like all the time pretty much. You stay on an even keel of worry. You feel like it’s hard being human, and it is so you try to overcompensate. Just chill out. Your overthinking is a gift and a curse you’ll learn. The present moment is a gift 🎁 so enjoy it. 

Energies: 

Gemini ♊️ 

Confidence 

Insecurity 

Acne 

Grease 

Iconic 

Makeup 💄 

The Present 

Reality Check 

Money 💰 

Plastic Surgery 

Shots 

Needles 💉 

Alcohol 🍷 

Mirror 🪞 

Lips 👄 

Mouth 

Voice 

Throat Chakra 

Sexuality 

Seduction 

Submission 

Scorpio ♏️ 

Scorpion 🦂 

Snake 🐍 

Mistake 

Self Harm 

Self Destructive Tendencies 

Junkie 

Addiction 

Flaws 

Weakness 

Pastel 

Accurate 

Monster 

Shadow Self 

Ego 

Virgo ♍️ 

Aquarius ♒️ 

Pile 3 Wishbone 

Song: If I Die Young By The Band Perry 

“If I die young, bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

Oh-oh, oh-oh”

I see red. 

I sense male/masculine energy. 

This pile likes my energy so that’s why you’re here. You like how I talk. We could be friends. Oh. 

You’re angry. 😡 

You’re into conspiracy theories and the apocalypse. You may be religious. You are dying to state your individuality against the other piles. 

You’re vulgar. You swear a lot. 

You’re like, “Fuck you, get to my pile!” 

You are into horror and gothic things. 

I see myself as a teenager so you must be pretty darn damaged. 

You speak negatively to yourself. You abuse yourself. 

You hate yourself. You feel like no one understands yet the ones who do are as bad as you and can’t help you but at least they make you feel less crazy, right?

This is a rough pile guys. 

I’m so sorry for who this is for. It’s definitely for my younger self. I’m having flashbacks. I’m uncomfortable. 

I have to be honest, this is the work of the devil. 

I bet if you are another pile scrolling down out of curiosity you probably could see it clearly but when you’re knee deep in it, you cannot see it and even act like it’s “cool” 

It isn’t. 

I don’t even know what to say. 

Someday you’ll realize why the devil was after your soul so bad, you’ll realize the richness of who you are and maybe you’ll turn around or maybe you won’t. 

I sense deep regret. Someone who’s eating their words and really anxious 😥 You absolutely beat yourself up. You cry a lot. 

You're young aren’t you? 

Just because I said male/masculine energy doesn’t mean some women cannot be involved… You on your period? I’m teasing but really, are you? 

I sense mars energy. 

Dark humor, sharp features and tall frames. Warrior souls, brown eyes and hardy laughs. A taste for spicy food, picky when it comes to partners and the moral compass of a saint. 

You may be scary on the outside but you're a little ray of sunshine on the inside, aren’t you? 

Seriously. You got a good soul. 

I sense Leo ♌️  energy. 

People want to be like you. 

You choose what you say very carefully. You tend to obsess about what you say. 

I sense a blocked throat chakra. 

You may have nightmares you’re choking, this is a result of it. 

Pray on it. 

Manifest it. 

Open it. 

You’re actually really loud. 

In energy and volume. 

You have massive energy. 

You may be big physically, if not then you wear wild outfits that get everyone looking & complimenting.

No matter what you look hot 🥵 and sexy. 

You get rid of people in your life if they cross you and now you’ve come to a point where there’s no one left. You’re devastated and lost all hope. 

You feel like an alien 👽 

This is how the devil wants you to feel

Hang on. 

Survive. Then thrive. 

God will give you opportunities to move on. I know you’re ashamed of yourself right now so move slow. 

Be a sloth 🦥 

You feel like a joke.

You also feel numb. 

I pray for you, I know you’ll be given a fair chance as I was. You just have to wait. 

All of our stories are different yet still similar. 

I felt like nothing could get through to me, but that was my story until God moved mountains. 

I was in a pathetic place so you should listen to my testimony. I was mad at the world until I realized I’m a part of it, that I matter. I realized not everything is as simple as it seems. We as beings are not as simple as we think we are. 

You are not “bad” like you say and think you are. You are the author of your own life. You're the writer but God is the editor. If you wanna be bad then be bad if you want to be good be good but the beautiful thing is that we all have different definitions of good and bad. 

So define yourself. Then you’ll be happy. 

Your demons are real and the literal devil is after your soul. Don’t panic. 🫨 

I sense that it’s just spiritual at this point. 

You’re not possessed (yet) 

Nothing is attached to you but the devil is attacking your subconscious. Either God is making you walk through hell (and it gets deeper my friend) or you’re trying to swim in the deep end, I trust you know which is which. (I know you do)

So if it is out of your control try to view it as a learning experience no matter how unbearable it may be (I have done this and it sorta helps) 

If it’s in your control, be vigilant. Stay aware. Remain observant. Question everything. Ponder existence. You will be rewarded. Expect change and you’ll be good. 👍 

Make decisions that make you happy.

Energies:

Aries ♈️ 

Resistance 

Stubborn 

Cross 

Religion 

The Holy Trinity 

Blood 🩸 

Bones 🦴 

Memories 

Crying 😭 

Weight Loss/Weight Gain 

Change 

Transformation 

Roses 🌹 

Encouragement 

Hormones 

Teenager 

Adolescence 

Leo ♌️ 

Lion 🦁 

Copy Cats 

Regret 

Mistake 

Redo 

Restart 

Delete 

Space 

Advice 

Friendship 

Guidance 

Similarities 

Red 

Summer 

[brynn-lear]

Paper Canes (Yandere!Capitano/Reader)

Chapter 3 overview: Some people bet on their lives, some bet on their death. Alice of the Hexenzirkel had to learn that in a rather unsettling way.

CW/Tags: slowburn/soft yandere themes, afab!reader, unrequited love/obsession. While this fic isn't "too dark", the reader isn't mentally stable. Please prioritize your health first, you matter.

Chapter 1 || Chapter 2

You're always unhappy around Alice.

Alice is, by every account there is to be counted for, a very whimsical woman and a non-traditional mother— someone who will certainly die unconquered. If there comes a time when there would be no naysayers to disparage her name, then it would be safe to assume you no longer reside in Teyvat. The Tsaritsa duly noted your fervent distaste for her. You've sent infertile insults on her way and turned malicious thoughts into plans once or twice, but that fiery woman is no different from a cockroach. Christening the formula, you were certain you'd molded your schedule perfectly to avoid her mischievous gaze. Alas, you were wrong, and being wrong makes you unhappy—

Unhappy to have yourself wholly examined.

"I'm glad I roped you into a tea party with me! Here I thought I was shooting in the dark when I guessed you'd take the long way back."

This encounter happened on October 20th three years ago.

The year you lost your youth.

"If you're so painfully aware of how much I do not want to be here, why go to such lengths?" You grumbled, less of a question and more of an attitude show.

Alice poured you a cup of tea. In a way, you envied her. The iridescent flecks in her crimson pupils, the silky cream hair that drapes on her shoulder… a woman of her description was worth making a monolith for. What a shame that this was not your flavor.

Capitano's honestly far more gorgeous. But the last time you told him that, he said you shouldn't tease him.

"Isn't it obvious?" She laughed awkwardly, thanking good fortune for crafting an environment wherein you'd stab her with words, not weapons. "I'm not about to let a cute lovelorn woman ruin her chances of romance, you know?"

"Romance?" You scoffed.

Before you were Granny (Y/n), you were that "attention whore" of a harbinger. Your strength lies in forming connections and throwing extravagant social events. Balls, tea parties— you name it. It's what caught the Hexenzirkel's attention in the first place. No discrimination between humble folk and high culture. You were THE woman people seek as a medium for self-expression.

Though, if you were frank to anyone who would be willing to listen, you have got to be the most secretly antisocial host that ever graced public spaces. Outside those play-pretends, you keep to yourself.

So what the hell is she talking about?

"If you were reading your life as a novel, you'd swoon!" Alice grinned. "You know, the most you'll lose is some time and energy, but the most you'll gain is a lifetime with the Captain!"

Unlikely. If you were leafing through the pages of that novel, you'd see clearly how you went from going through life with spontaneous survival tactics before diving headfirst to unplanned survivor's guilt. Not that misery was ever willingly placed in one's schedule, of course.

"Don't care." You glared. "Don't use my life as a basic framework of history to write a cheap and marketable romance. I'm not a damsel in distress."

Alice laughed behind her painted nails. "Can you even defend yourself if I chucked a glove at you?"

"Do you want a show of hands?" You raised an eyebrow, irritated. "If so, there's nothing for me to demonstrate, I'm not—"

"Strong as you used to be." Alice's smile faltered. "Because you're giving up on the greatsword, right?"

She hovered her hand above yours hesitantly, before tenderly circling your palm with her thumb.

"I see through your facade; I know that your strength is dwindling." She sighed. "You're worried that you're falling behind—"

"I am. Mine may have slowed down thanks to the boughkeeper's help and pity, but I'm still rotting. The honor of strength is one I can freely do without. I'm confident I can still obliterate you."

"Indeed." Alice's eyebrows furrowed. "But is that any excuse to allow Pulcinella to plot against your back? To let him sweep that title off your feet and give it to a child who shouldn't be in danger?"

Ah, so this is what this is about. Not your non-existent love life.

Alice wasn't harassing for the sake of shenanigans. She wanted your hold on the 11th seat to remain firm so that a child wouldn't be forced into a life of hardship.

Subjectively neglectful as she may be, she is still a mother.

"Who says I want to continue being a harbinger?"

Alice froze upon hearing that challenging remark.

"Ruffie—"

"Don't call me that." You slammed a hand on the table, making not only those resting on the top jump but Alice as well. The table cracked. "If a kid replaces me, then so be it. Why should I give a damn?!"

What kind of self-absorbed fool would grieve over an empire of dirt?

Alice didn't look at you. Instead, her unsteady gaze was on the pack of cards that nearly fell off the edge.

You picked it up and snapped.

"What? You wish to play?"

Alice cleared her throat. The smile resurfaced on her face, eager to return the momentum she once had. "S-Sure! Why don't we play a game?"

As she was about to reach for the pack, you pulled it back.

"Hmm. I don't want to," you droned. "Let's have a bet."

Alice paled slightly. "A bet?"

"Don't think I haven't heard of your tales. I know you have a penchant for making others' lives infinitely worse." You put the deck down. "So, why not strike a deal."

"I didn't invite you here to make an enemy out of you."

"It's a friendly competition." You remarked. "I believe you'll agree to my terms."

Alice shifted from her seat. "Oh, okay then, I'm listening."

"Since you so badly want me to remain as the 11th, if you win I'll do as you wish. When challenged by that child Ajax, I won't hold back and let him scamper back." You shook the box. "However, if I win…"

You paused.

After scavenging through the shelves of your mind, finding a desire for fulfillment was surprisingly a chore. That isn't to say you have the world in your palms. There was no grand wish to shock her. If anything, what you wished was simple…

"Rest assured, Tsaritsa will say yes to an upcoming babyface." You smiled outwardly. "And you have to create a potion for me in return, witch."

"A potion…?" Alice batted her eyes, and suddenly, her mood lightened. "Could it be… You want a love potion too?!"

…

The room dropped a few degrees.

"Get a grip."

"K-Kidding, kidding!!!"

"And what do you mean by too?" The words slipped past you without a second thought. As you were about to retract them, thinking yourself above mindless gossip, Alice answered:

"Capitano asked if true love potions are possible, but started chickening out because of his morals— or at least something to that effect." Alice giggled. "He was so flustered and oddly ashamed of himself, you should've seen him!"

…

No, you'd rather not. Ignorance is bliss when it comes to your old friend. Whatever excites him is his business, not yours.

…

After a few rounds of silence, you spoke up.

"Wow, Alice." You said. "You are terrible at this."

The woman was set on making Klee shine, but her grasp of Kaeya's card mechanics failed her. She forgot that his burst demands a character switch to trigger its effect— a misstep that voided her melt strategy. Kaeya's card is squandered under her shaky command. Alice was left clinging to a dying Klee and Jean, the game slipping further from her grasp.

But all is fair in love and war.

You're shit at the game too.

Sure, she might have fumbled by leaving her last Jean card unequipped, but at least she wasn't as cursed by bad luck as you were with dice rolls and card draws. Broken Rime's Echo was the only gem in a heap of trash. Simply put, you've lost Columbina and a Pyro agent card.

You're deadset on winning with a terrible hand— she's locked in on having her precious golden child as the claimer of spoils.

Alice has her daughter, while you have…

"Isn't this adorable? You have your knight in shining armor with you!"

"He's not." You rolled your eyes. He knows what he truly is, and it's certainly not "your" knight.

"I could use a couple of astrology readings to check your compatibility~"

"No. Your readings are usually not just comments, but an arm-chair doctor level diagnosis."

"Yet I'm helpful, aren't I? Perhaps I've garnered polarizing reviews, but I was still deemed a wonderful advisor."

You glared.

"I'd give you your flowers; I'm certain you have helped many sort out their… issues. But I don't need your help or perceived pity. I'm rowing life smooth sailing."

You used Capitano's burst.

Jean gracefully exited the battle with a soft murmur about Mondstadt.

"Oh no, Jean!..." Alice looked genuinely upset. "Well, you don't have to say it, I can tell you need friends. One that wouldn't inflict…what does your coworker call it? Ah, right— vicarious trauma."

Getting personal huh? What a sour loser.

You laughed a little too loud, bitter. "Vicarious trauma… That's an even bolder diagnosis."

Once people are done singing praises, anyone can see you've lost more friends to "drowning" than you have in wars.

Alice cooed. "Still, you didn't deny that you need a partner— a soulmate. So why not let the lovesick Captain in?"

…

You quietly took a sip.

It's chamomile tea. Your favorite.

Which so happens to also be Capitano's. That man has a habit of forming his own opinions only after hearing yours.

Does he think having a lot in common means you'd reciprocate his feelings too?

… Surely not, he's smarter than that.

"His goals do not align with mine. He's best suited for a woman who would settle down. If you care so much, why not recommend him to one of your lady friends?"

"Everyone in Teyvat knows who he has eyes for."

"Ugh. Stop boring me with your half-baked drivels."

"Don't you pity him, even just a little bit?" Alice's voice softened. "Considering what he's going through right now?"

You froze.

There was a time… There was a time when he almost had a family of his own. But "his" poor dau—

You shook your head.

"I don't." You insisted.

"You're adorable— and a terrible liar to boot. Did you know that you keep looking up like Celestia would strike you for lying?" Alice sighed.

Upon having that epiphany, you fixed your collar and made a loud mental note to fix that habit.

You drew a card.

…

Seelie and Fatui Conspiracy.

You held back a grin.

Columbina… was she to praise for this dumb luck?

After a few rounds, you've activated both while Alice placed Liben and healed with sweet madame.

Capitano's on the brink of death.

How typical of him. Almost nostalgic.

"You'll lose," Alice said bluntly. "You really should think Capitano over. You're just hurting him and yourself by pretending not to know his feelings…"

You droned out her ramblings. None of that matters. You'd sooner get dressed for this stupid card game than a love confession.

There it is.

The seelie had its 3rd stack.

It gave you Adeptus Temptation.

…

But you don't have enough dice so you had to tune for cryo for now.

Klee had close enough energy for a burst, but Alice decided to play safe and heal.

You laughed, smiling at her without breaking eye contact.

"I was supposed to protect her, Alice. But I chose to host parties. When she lay in the hospital for her first, second, third, the fourth surgery, waiting for me, I sent a letter instead. I made an oath to protect her but what did I do? I sent two lousy paragraphs for some agent to read. And you think I have the heart to play sweet dolly in your game of house?"

You let out a short chuckle, the type only visible when the body slightly moves. Your disbelief is palpable, and your voice cold.

"You're funny, Alice. I'll give you that." You glared. "But you're too distracted."

Neither of you mentioned her name.

Was it out of respect or shame?

Who knows.

You don't want to remember her either way.

You made the last move.

…

…

…

"I… lost?"

"Wow, really, wow I never would've guessed you'd lose." You replied dryly. "It was such a close match too, oh wow."

You shrugged. "It's honestly so disappointingly anticlimactic the way you lost. Aren't you supposed to be a master of all things immature?"

Capitano wouldn't have won if it weren't for the attack boost. The last support card buffed his damage by 3 points… You'd thank him and Columbina after this but they wouldn't understand TCG.

"You mean childlike— oh whatever, that's not the point!" Alice whined. "I demand a rematch!"

"Denied. It's time you honor our deal."

She sighed. Alice slowly knocked her forehead on the table, deflating like a pathetic balloon.

"Fine… What do you want?" Alice pouted. "Is there anything in life you could want anyway?"

Yes.

Yes, there is.

There is something intangible that you wish to grasp for yourself but slips through your fingers.

You loosened up, your harsh stare replaced with a lazy smile.

Before uttering words like a prayer before the crusade.

"From here on out, I'll officially give up on both my title as a harbinger and my greatsword."

Victory was claimed. And maybe it was wishful thinking, but someday you hoped…

"Might as well replace it with a cane."

That this tragedy will be bested by another.

With what else, but Death itself?

Today is October 20th.

It's been a full year since you've taken this conventionally unappealing form. Conventional to Dottore's goals, at least.

"You must be Granny (Y/n)!" A floating fairy approached you, both hands on her back with a curious expression. "You asked the traveler to help you shop right?"

"That's right," you feigned a weak smile. "Would you all be cute little darlings and accompany a grandma for lunch?"

They both saw an elderly woman, covered in small bandages to hide the disgusting rot. You wore a humble peach blouson dress and sandals. Picture the perfect image of an old money retired widow squandering her resources for life's simple joys.

Hook, line, sinker.

"Of course! Leave it to the Traveler and Paimon to help you!" Paimon cheered, tugging Lumine, who smiled in response.

Lumine is a sweet little lady.

Not that she's young, mind you. The lass' lifespan can't be belittled. But just as you'd let her believe you're a grandmother, you'd wrongly treat her like a granddaughter. Conventional wisdom, as Dottore would say. And convenience doesn't mean right.

Watching Lumine's eyes, though dim, feign cheerfulness made you chuckle. You have to admire the girl; her mud-splattered legs and worn-out cape surely signify adventure. She reminds you of her brother. The prince had a knack for finding trouble, too— even though you'd argue Dainsleif is worse than him.

"So, what do you want to eat?"

You smiled and pulled out a ridiculously long list. "My pearl companions just couldn't stop raving about these delightful flavors ever since they got their dentures sorted, so of course, I simply had to try them myself!"

The rest of the conversation flowed smoothly, much to your chagrin. Being a conversationalist has its perks, but you seriously wish aiding Dottore was not one of them. You admitted you don't have enough knowledge to dispense good judgment on what to spend— and Paimon dominated the recommendations with food.

To be honest, sweets no longer excite you. You're used to war rations. Desserts as a pleasure are characteristically superficial in value.

But here you are, licking Natlan's rock candy desserts like a child…

"I was wary about trekking here in Natlan. I've never seen travelers who came from this nation— thought this was a fantasy land when I was a young lass!" You feigned worry. "I've only heard that they enjoy gladiator matches."

"Yeah, kinda!" Paimon spoke. "Paimon thinks they really like to grow strong. It might just be their love language!"

Is that right?… That reminds you of someone.

Someone with an imposingly tall figure and soft ocean gaze.

"The locals might have mythologized tough love as useful trauma." You hummed, amused. "Then again, their archon is a human, not the Tsaritsa. Natlan's ingrained belief to die and be reborn so patriotically is worthy of close inspection. Perhaps I assumed we shared the same values since those are what the nation I hailed from taught."

You rarely explore, so it's not in your best interest to push your own uninformed beliefs onto another's culture when yours also has its flaws. The masses will always be influenced by dogmatic forms of traditions. This is just Natlan's vibrant flavor.

Though Lumine teetered on musing about how Lady Furina is human herself, a witness must remain a witness. Not that Arlecchino didn't report about this months ago.

"Where are you from, Granny?"

You chuckled. "Where else but Snezhnaya, dear?"

"Ooooh that makes sense!" The fairy buzzed excitedly.

Not Snezhnaya. Khaenri'ah. But they don't need to know that yet.

Lumine stared at you. You're certain she's already figured out the truth. With those eyes of yours, you'll have to push that you're a 'descendant'. Only a matter of time before she'd act on her curiosity.

"Oh, how does it make sense, pray tell?" You closed your eyes as you sipped your soda. Too sweet for your aged tastes, but manageable.

"P-Paimon didn't mean anything bad by it!"

"Well, I wasn't assuming that you were going to say a bad thing about my homeland, Paimon. That is, unless, that's what your darling head was mulling over?" You teased.

You're no stranger to the two's estranged relationship with the Fatui. It's all Tartaglia ever talked about in letters addressed to you.

The flustered guide turned to Lumine frantically. "T-Traveler, a little help please!"

Before the traveler could come up with a lousy excuse, the souring dragons had snatched your attention swiftly. The rhythm of their flight made you stare up in awe—

And bittersweet nostalgia.

"Ruffie…" You muttered.

Lumine tilted her head curiously, which snapped you out of your trance.

"W-Where was I? Ah, yes." You cleared your throat. "Natlan's views are so needlessly breathtaking. Each generous ray is no different from the golden strokes of a weathered paintbrush. Even with my poor eyesight, I can still spot the river below us, glittering like powdered azure. The nation moves and rests at once."

You sighed, feigning your happiness enough that it became the truth. "Fascinating, is it not?"

"Huh, Paimon didn't know you can be so poetic."

"One can be poetic when they describe something worth seeing. Though I wouldn't dare say it beats my homeland when I know Snezhnaya is my home." You forced a smile.

"Only a fool would swiftly divorce knowledge; you'd do well to remember that, young ones."

'You are mine in this life, and if there is another life beyond Teyvat, then you are mine in there as well.'

'Yours? Is this yet another vow of loyalty? You shouldn't utter such words carelessly, lest you'll be misunderstood. Do not chain yourself to these ruined bones.'

'… I'm afraid you are the one who misunderstands.'

'Either way, you must learn not to sacrifice so much. A bleeding heart like yours must steel his resolve to be a true Captain.'

Capitano will never forget those bold words he uttered directly in your stunned face one passionate evening. He remembers, now fondly, how hard his grip on his sword was and how white his knuckles were. You, three years ago, stood as the 11th to the 1st— yet the distance in your strength was far from outmatched. Divided only by a mere fraction.

Yet here he was, back on the scenic cliff where you and he had that conversation. Admittedly, that exchange would not have happened if the locals hadn't lent liquid courage. He'd long forgotten what the collaboration mission was, but he'd be damned if he forgot the celebration. When his expedition team grew rowdy with their shenanigans, Capitano groggily asked you to accompany him for a walk. Since you kept mostly to yourself at the time, you gladly took his hand and saw unfitting yourself out of the lively scene.

Today is October 20th.

What a day to reminisce.

Just by standing here on Tetipac Peak, he could almost hear what was from five years past. Sense it, even. Once, you brushed strands of his hair out of his eyes and gazed softly. It was as if it was only you and him- the village and his men nearby ceased existing. Just you, him, and Natlan's gorgeous views.

That simple gesture alone fattened the greedy beast inside him. One that would hastily discard morality for a mere taste.

That simple gesture alone repurposed the prison in his mind into a sanctuary.

'Gorgeous.'

'G… Gorgeous? With this tiring visage?'

That was the first and last time someone called him that.

'You've no idea how much that makes you even more enchanting. Hmm, hmm. You have beautiful blue eyes, Captain. A gaze that pierces through one's soul is a powerful asset. If I were born in your body, I'd certainly elevate my status in one way or another.'

'… A face as scarred as mine? An asset?'

'I adore your scars. Those are marks that tell a hundred tales. I'm jealous of your men who all have the privilege of seeing that face every day.'

'… Then perhaps this is a face I'd only let you see.'

'Haha! And then what? Do you intend to wear a mask or helmet often?'

'... Perhaps. I'm aware that I'm beyond repair—'

"Lord Capitano."

He blinked, turning around. Capitano shouldn't have daydreamed so deeply. It's been a while since he had failed to sense another's presence. One of his people knelt before him, despite her cool demeanor, a good captain could tell that matters plagued her mind.

"Elena. Is there something to report?"

It is far from uncommon for Elena to appear when Capitano is in his lonesome. He has specifically instructed the fatuus for this discreet duty. A trained eye may be misguided in speculating the nature of Elena's loyalty— but the truth is there's nothing beyond the usual master and servant. If masters normally instruct their servants to spy on the object of their desire, that is.

"Yes, sir," Elena spoke. "Granny (Y/– Lady Ruffiana has departed to the restaurant at the People Of The Springs, sir. She is with company."

He hummed. Before, Elena would much rather work on paperwork taller than her stature than assist a grandmother's spine. However, as his blue eyes assessed her sharply, the lines on her forehead tallied more genuine concern than before.

…

"Come… Come again?"

"She has decided to hire someone from the Adventurer's Guild to accompany her to lunch, Lord Capitano."

…

Capitano, ranked first of the Fatui Harbingers, was rendered mute.

Maybe he didn't hear that right.

"A restaurant in the People of the Springs? I believe I have heard about it... Golden Dusk, yes?" Capitano looked away.

...

"Is there something on your mind, my Lord?"

"Golden Dusk... is that not a… place for young adults to court? As a lunch... date... of sorts?" He tensed up slightly. "Why would she? And with who, Elena? I believe you are wise enough to investigate their name."

Elena blinked.

The word date in this context sounds foreign when born out of the strapping Captain's battle-weary lips. Futile as it was, she bit her tongue and made certain no comment about how weak he came across. Worse, he was completely unaware of this. Just replaying the dry despairing sound in her head felt wicked.

Besides, a date is what he first thought of? This is (Y/n) they're talking about. She could just be sizing someone up.

How whipped is he? It's a famous tourist destination. Elena swears it's as if everyone but Capitano knows that his affections for (Y/n) have been broadcast to Teyvat several times. The art of subtlety is lost to him.

… It shouldn't surprise her. Capitano is also rotting, so much worse than your case.

Capitano isn't your knight in shining armor.

He feels his bones erode, mixing with his blood like a sickening fruit juice. The vile dark and metallic liquid that frequently visits his tastebuds reminds him how little time he has.

Capitano's obsession over you is no doubt a public spectacle.

Maybe to him, he's just a loser in a tin foil.

And yet, Elena knows that no matter how much his eyes dim, those piercing blue stares still reflect your visage. Ex-eleventh to everyone but reigns as one in his heart. It's cheesy, it's cliché, it's sickeningly sweet- it's Capitano, a man desperately in love.

Elena was wrong about one thing, though. Capitano suspects you know about his feelings.

She very kindly answered. "She's with the traveler, my Lord. Ruffiana had told us that should you ask, the money you had lent her last night was for commissioning Miss Lumine."

Quickly, the tension disappeared from his shoulders. He pinched his temple. Ah, of course. Befriending Persons of Interests has always been La Ruffiana's modus operandi—

He stilled, eyebrows furrowed.

As much as Capitano loathes to acknowledge this, you are no longer a Fatui Harbinger and therefore have been stripped of that duty.

"...What for?"

Truth be told, he's unsure if he wants the answer. Receiving the straightforward assumption might be akin to seeking his ruin.

Elena looked at him with a face that asked why he was troubled by this. He shot a furtive glance over Elena's shoulder. That shy motion confirmed her suspicion.

Here he goes again. For a split second, Elena hoped his curiosity stemmed from a work-related issue rather than whatever this was.

"... To… spend time with her, sir. That's what she said when Felix asked."

Elena didn't know either; she was running on vague inferences. Before you left, you said you wished to get to know the traveler more. You've even asked Capitano's informant, Ashe, for her preferences, attitude, what she would like to eat, and more…

Shit.

In a sense, it does sound disastrously like a date, doesn't it…

"Elena."

"Yes, Lord Harbinger?"

"Move my plans for a later date, report to the Archon that I have another urgent matter at hand."

"P-Pardon?!" Elena's eyes widened. Is he serious?!

She then saw that glint in his eyes. Though only for a brief moment and an inopportune angle— there was a melancholic and faraway stare from the man who towered over her. He had his lips pursed, distraught like an abandoned puppy.

Grieving for a woman who never wanted him.

'You're the bane of my duties. But without you, my purpose seemingly lacks meaning. You make me whole, (Y/n).'

'Haha, I'm your bane huh? Drunken words sure let out sobering confessions.'

'… Is that crude joke all you've concluded from my loving words?'

'What's that?'

'… It is nothing. Forget that I have wasted a smattering of your time.'

Elena cast her gaze downwards. Better not speak of it out loud.

"Of course. Would you like assistance in—"

"Yes, please, if you would." Capitano cleared his throat. "I assume you know what to do. Let us make haste."

"Understood, Captain."

Taglist: @macaronilovingracoon, @lucienbarkbark, @meimeimeirin, @notthefib987, @meowmeowakutagawa,

@peachymonkgeh, @definitely-asexual-volcano, @brainemptynothoughts, @aenishas, @kapitankarate,

@goldenglow149, @ionkknowhattonamethis, @futuristicprincesscrown, @average-scara-fan, @sleeplessskeleton,

@pix-stuff

A/n: i had to put the author's note at the very bottom because man, once this fic is complete yall will notice how much foreshadowing have already been sprinkled since chap 1 to 3 HAHAHAH-//shot

I had to cut a few more dialogue between Lumine and (Y/n) to the next chapter since it's exceeding the average word count I set up. anyways sneak peak

hehe okay now i'll adios again, I still have to code WhoDrankIt (HSR otome game) :'))

[h50europe]

BUCK/TOMMY AU ROM-COM INCOMING! https://archiveofourown.org/works/60894340/chapters/155548843… All I Want For Christmas... - Three years ago, Evan Buckley was a forensic scientist specializing in facial reconstruction for the FBI until a vicious serial killer kidnapped and nearly killed him. He never fully recovered and gave up his job. While still in hospital, his wife Taylor filed for divorce because she’s more into partying than watching her husband dealing with the aftermath of his ordeal. And as if all of this wasn’t enough, Buck receives a devastating call: His sister Maddie and her husband Howie died in a horrible car crash. And so, he became little Jee’s legal guardian. To escape the nightmare his life had become, he and Jee move to a small town near Whistler, where Buck earns a living doing odd jobs.

Just before Christmas, Hen, a good friend of Buck’s, asks him to house-sit. She expects a visitor but forgets to mention that Tommy Kinard is handsome, charming and slightly different because he is blind. Buck has no idea what he gets into as he and Tommy lock onto one another from their first meeting like heat-seeking missiles.

Welcome to this Buck/Tommy rom-com, which has a touch of crime in later chapters. The story is finished (a total of 12 chapters) and will give you all the cozy Christmas feelings with Tommy, Buck and Jee. I will post regularly to ensure it is finished right around Christmas.

Sneak Peek Chapter 2:

"Besides, I wasn't always blind. Until nine years ago, I could see, but with difficulty," he told Buck.

"My eyes slowly got worse. It's an extremely rare genetic disease. I knew that one day, it would get dark around me. That's why I memorized everything all the more intensely to remember it. It's the same with movies. I still have images from the time I watched them. Crazy, isn't it?"

"I don't think so. I admire how you deal with it," Buck muttered, flipped through Hen's DVDs and smiled when he came across a certain movie.

“How about Love Actually?"

"Yes, Great choice, Evan. It's one of my favorites. Maybe there'll be popcorn and a soft drink, then I can imagine I'm at the movies."

Buck laughed, "Right away, sir. And yes, it's also one of mine." Buck hoped to make it through the movie somehow without ending up in Tommy's lap. Why didn't he choose Die Hard or any other action movie?

A few minutes later, he returned with two glasses and a large bowl of popcorn, put everything on the table and then plopped down on the couch.

The movie was about to start when Tommy suddenly asked, "What do you look like?" The question came as a surprise to Buck, and he paused the DVD.

"Um, I don't know. Just average, I-I guess."

Tommy remained silent for a long moment, but Buck could tell he was thinking by the wrinkles on his forehead.

"Can I ... touch you?" Buck's eyes went big until it dawned on him.

[coffeegnomee]

Wemmbu being so dead set in thinking that the ticket was going to be his ban is so funny to me.

bro just wants to be free and edit this video.

[seventh-district]

7am, eating cold leftover teriyaki stir-fry for breakfast and crying over blorbos

[flying-cat]

Two intense hurricanes hitting Florida back to back is fucking insane and like we already know Milton is gonna be category 4 (iirc) when it makes landfall but the fact people were downplaying it when they thought it would be a category 3 is crazy because HURRICANE KATRINA, KNOWN FOR BEING CATASTROPHICALLY DESTRUCTIVE, WAS A CATEGORY 3 HURRICANE (though a lot of its destruction was due to the levees failing in New Orleans). Milton's storm surge is going to be 15-20ft and the fact that anyone at all is CHOOSING to stay is absolutely fucking bonkers. It's one thing about people not being able to leave, which is the majority of people who have not yet/will not evacuate (which is a whole different issue because, by all means, people who are incapable of evacuating for any reason at all SHOULD be receiving help so that they CAN evacuate, but they AREN'T) but choosing not to? Crazy. Insane. Putting you and your family at risk because you want to be a stubborn fucking moron. And the people who are upset about having to cancel their Disney vacations, or people who are REFUSING to cancel their Disney vacations even with the current situation, should be ashamed. Those poor workers have to come to work, worried about their own safety, worried about the safety of their families, and the reason they have to be there is because they're expected to be there by people who don't give a shit about anyone else. What the hell are you going to do at Disney anyway? It's literally going to be raining for DAYS STRAIGHT.

[navy-heart]

God why is my mother such a terrible human being

[sisterdragonwithfeathers]

I think I just read my first tragedy.

It was good.

I do want to fistfight the devil though.

[green-mountain-goose]

fuck this shit lol

[heartshattering]

one of us needs to die

we can't coexist

my mom and I are like poison to each other, she makes me want to die so badly, and I know I can never be good enough for her, no matter how hard I try every day, no matter everything I've given up just to take care of her. I'm a shitty person who can't even help her own paralyzed mom correctly without fucking up and "not doing enough" and ruining everything.

I know deep down that it should be me who dies since all I do is bring pain to everyone

my only regret is not dying earlier back when people thought of me as this sweet cheerful girl full of potential instead of a loser adult with permanent mental and physical illnesses who only brings misery to others and should have died 10 years ago

it's just like the psychiatric center told me... I am a case that other people "can't handle", I'm beyond help, nothing in this fucking planet can fix me

I hate myself so so so SO fucking much, more than anyone else could hate me. I really just need to die. the longer I stick around, the more I keep fucking up

I'll probably fuck up at kms too but :) you never know until you try (again)!! <3

[robinsnest2111]

promised my aunt not to think about the information she revealed about my parents to me today too much

but I am only a simple creature trying to understand everything that went into me turning out the way I did

[rustystars]

jabitha romantic psychological thriller. opens with the two of them on the road, driving from town to town chasing mysteries. she drives, he writes. she keeps hitting birds. they're making a map of diners in the area based on how good their milkshakes are. archie's pissed & won't call them. jughead keeps repeating himself. new greasy spoon but the waitress already knows them. blood on the tires. they call & no one picks up. he swears they've been here before. he's better at sign than he used to be. his hands know the movements. there's a star in the sky and they're back on the road. they've been here before. she says she'll handle the birds, just stay in the car, head in your hands. she drags rafael's newest body off the road. they've been here before because they can't leave: they can have a lifetime together in a timeloop, but if he remembers they'll have to go back home. so he can't figure it out. riverdale loses a second for their every hour. rafael's got wings of a bird & a deadline to meet & a comet looming closer, closer. no one notices they're gone so long as they keep on driving. a day infinitum. a lifetime together. so long as she keeps resetting & pressing her foot to the pedal. so long as he never remembers.

[inkykeiji]

Touya apologizing to Shoto? Touya-nii would never.

All jokes aside I’m running back to the Touya-nii universe after this ending because I am… not a fan of it. 🙃 I thought I had prepared myself mentally for whatever Hori had in store but now that I’m seeing it for myself I just feel even more angry for Touya. It doesn’t feel like justice for him.

HAHAHA literally exactly what i said too, yes!!!!! he’s shouting weaaaaak! at canon touya, and while his voice is strong and harsh and stone cold, his eyes are glazed with the thinnest layer of tears—so thin you can only see them when the light catches on his eyes juuust right.

no i completely agree. i talked about it a little bit here but yeah, i’m really upset with the way everything is being handled. it just feels so insanely disrespectful. i could write you a whole essay on how upset i am and why i’m so upset but i am just so tired of talking about it LMAO ugh ._. well, at least we got shaggy-haired touya :( who looks exactly like my touya-nii does :( if nothing else, that’s one positive from this chapter!!

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

[gideonisms]

Do u have a venmo? Wanna help with the acquisition of headphones.

Aw that's sweet! Thank you for thinking of it anon ♥️ but I would prefer you save your money for people who are in like real financial trouble whereas the worst that happens to me is I move back in with my family who I disagree with politically but who won't kick me out